Expressions........

this past week i was appearing for an interview for my post graduate admissions at IIT Kanpur....all of us who were appearing for the final round of interview were made to sit in a common waiting room.....while we were all sitting there i noticed that all the people there were having unique expressions on their faces...some casual,some serious, some nervous,some calm while there were others who were cracking jokes and were seemingly having a good time there.......actually these were different coping mechanisms for different people to deal with imminent stress!!!!!
i was looking around and observing the different expressions.......the ones on the girls were really interesting....some had a hard look,some not at all friendly....particularly there was one girl who was staring at me with such intensity that i thought she was trying to burn me with her stare(lol!!!!)......seeing such wide emotional sub-genres that i couldn't but help myself to write something about it......this following piece is just a little insight into the different types of expressions that i came across in that room which i shared with all those strangers for a few hours.....i wouldn't forget that piercing look that the girl gave me.....i don't what she was trying to say or convey but she definitely did freak me out for a split second...............here it is EXPRESSIONS.....

expressions.....

expressions there are many..
most of them are not even funny,
grave, none seem to the eye....
what we dont see is the turmoil inside!!!
as if they are standing on the last stair
eyes closed shut, no courage for a stare...
seems to be knocking on hell's gate
someone will soon come to seal their fate.
weird how misleading they can be
how real they can feel
EXPRESSIONS!!!!


the look that finally made you kneel
you never knew that you would be the one to leave.....
leads us in directions wayward...
but we still search for them to make a move forward.
eyes fixed in a grim stare,
cold enough to light a flare.....
you try to find what it says
maybe then you can be at harms way.
so real and true they sometimes are..
for explanations you dont even care.....
EXPRESSIONS!!!!

a cruel con.......

many a times we hear people trying to achieve a certain standard of life or moved from a small town or place of no importance to a bigger for famous place or position....sometimes we feel happy for those people....and there are others who are just waiting to get a hold of these people to exploit them when they have reached that particular position........we all dream of doing great things.... there are those who want to achieve a better standard of living.....a much better one...one that the elites of the society enjoys.......its a dream they want to see come true at any cost...they work hard, they toil and when they finally achieve what they have worked for they wish to be treated as an equal......many a times they are treated as equal.....and many a times they a conned in the name of being treated as equal......what the person feels then i know not....what i do know is expressed in a few lines here........

alone the boy stands
hoping to catch a glimpse
underneath all those colourful strands
everything around him is amiss
lights and flurry there were many
so close they seem to him
cares for him is there any
or is he just an investment too grim??
pompous with joy there are all
love for once he once to feel
but no one is ready to take that fall
like an enemy weak he is made to kneel...
wondering what it would be...
to live amongst those above
the boy tries a road to find
only to be told there is no love!!!

this still needs to be completed!!!!!!

starting from the scratch.......

this has been a long break for me.....i'm back here after quite a few months.......its like moving into a new locality.....but once i realized that i have returned to my sanctum it looks all familiar now.....
i really have been very busy picking up the bits and pieces of my mistakes....some times you dont get what you deserve or the result is not upto your expectation....even though you have worked very hard for it.......well the truth is this happens all the time with me....i dont know why.....nothing goes my way smoothly.....unexpected barriers keep coming up infront of me.....i dont know why but this is just the way i have been facing life.....all 23 yrs of it till date......some times i think i must have made my usual joke or comments about the god of luck(if there is any...) and must have pissed him off pretty bad!!!!!!hehehe....
WTF do i care........will face whatever comes my way.......
well there is something i want to divulge here....sometimes how i feel....presently how i feel and how i pledge to do right........its a real personal feeling....if anyone reads this post other than me would not understand these last few lines......but anyways enjoy the next few......
its really good to be back in 'My S@nctum'!!!!!

running out...

hanging by the balance
never taking another chance
to let me endure this
a life of misery, without bliss....
bearing a wry smile
all my pains i file...
everything seems to fall apart....
every shred of luck running out!!!

the world around me seems to collapse
seeing others rise makes my pains relapse
brain drained of all zest
getting only jealous
never felt so desperate
time only making me more frustrate
trying to rebuild part by part...
my sanctum, whilst my patience is running out!!!

mistake too grave i've committed
with a dejected head i admit it...
price too heavy i'm paying
its a truth to which theres no denying
have only one last shot
to redemption, then alls lost
going down like a well fought bout
have to finish as my stamina is running out!!!!

well why not me.....

well why not me.....i can be sarcastic....well i'm mostly sarcastic...........my sense of humor is base upon my sarcasm and i tend to keep people around me pretty happy with it.....
but this is a different level of sarcasm.....here the joke is made of our lives...of the lives of those people who cant voice their grievances and of those whose grievances fall on deaf ears.....
some people tend to rise to fame riding on a facade and they seem to be pretty proud of themselves.....well this is about those ruthless bastards and those smothered millions and somethings more!!!!! its called THE TRIUMPH OF LIFE....

Triumph of Life

burning bright in the dark
fading away with a spark
colours of life turning grey
a darker shade everyday
stranger than fiction it seems
people claiming that life beams
love and happiness is whats all there
but their claims are overruled everywhere
riddled with pain and plight
we call it the Triumph of Life
Triumph of Life!!!!

every face bears a smile
preaching that all's fine
a picture so beautiful
humanity should be grateful
lifting up our hands
while the elite take up the stands
strugling for a nibble
smothering the feeble
with power and might
we call it the Triumph of Life
Triumph of Life!!!

on we cling
convinced that hope isnt a fling
ready to bleed and die
for glory even if its a lie
like a phoenix one rises
seldom and houses
in our hearts
despite all the hurts
with mettle without fright
we call it the Triumph of Life
Triumph of Life!!!!

Darkness.....

well we often feel that we r all alone in this dark and dirty world......we r standing alone somewhere and nobody is near us or even close to us....this is a pretty serious situation and this is what i have tried to describe here.....this just brings out the real loneliness that one faces and the ways that one craves to get out of it also.....also superstitions and misconceptions lead us to darkness of intellect and judgement.....more so a way devoid of any spiritual guidance or satanism can lead us into darkness...but whatever it is it stays along with us until and unless we try to redeem ourselves or correct ourselves to make us feel better...this way of redemption should come from one's own self and not through the guidance of some tom dick n harry........
so here is how it goes.......

Darkness...

standing alone in the dark
engulfed in loneliness
waiting for a bark
to know i am not the only one to caress
not a soul to be felt
not a ray of light
seems like i have dwelt
my entire life without a fight
in darkness of my faith
ignorance and blindness
filled with darkness!!!

trying to find a gleam
searching a way out
trying to see if i can dream
with eyes open, but its darkness all around
like a fallen warrior i try
fighting till my last
giving it all till the ultimate/last cry
but can see hope fade away fast
in the darkness of defeat
exhaustion and weariness
filled with darkness!!!!

err......

this is post is more of a self preservation or awakening post for me.....finally i have realized that i ought not to take any thing for granted and have to do all shit seriously......
i may be as care free as i can but wen its business i have to do it with full heart......
so this is for all that....its called....
what i have done???


never felt so alone,
never so deserted....
that i would be so
a glimpse never though of.....
minutes seem longer,
a week like an era....
what have i done to deserve this?
what have i done to be without bliss....

battered by fate
the test of gods i failed.......
riding high with arrogance
was too late in realising my ignorance
solitude, which i used to so crave
now feels like drawing me to the grave
what have i done to deserve such pain?
what have i done to want to fade....

learned the hard way
a price too dear i have to pay....
nothing matters any more
the same mistakes i'll make no more.....
will never let my guard down,
not a bed of roses now its known
what i have done i will redeem.....
never shall i ask this again!!!

the phase that i am going through presently is a pretty difficult one for me....
i hope to get out of this mess pretty quickly.....problems for me comes from all corners....outside and inside...sometimes it becomes quite difficult to manage all of them...but i still hang on waiting for that particular day when i can do whatever i think i should without having to look around....hehe!!!