err......

this is post is more of a self preservation or awakening post for me.....finally i have realized that i ought not to take any thing for granted and have to do all shit seriously......
i may be as care free as i can but wen its business i have to do it with full heart......
so this is for all that....its called....
what i have done???


never felt so alone,
never so deserted....
that i would be so
a glimpse never though of.....
minutes seem longer,
a week like an era....
what have i done to deserve this?
what have i done to be without bliss....

battered by fate
the test of gods i failed.......
riding high with arrogance
was too late in realising my ignorance
solitude, which i used to so crave
now feels like drawing me to the grave
what have i done to deserve such pain?
what have i done to want to fade....

learned the hard way
a price too dear i have to pay....
nothing matters any more
the same mistakes i'll make no more.....
will never let my guard down,
not a bed of roses now its known
what i have done i will redeem.....
never shall i ask this again!!!

the phase that i am going through presently is a pretty difficult one for me....
i hope to get out of this mess pretty quickly.....problems for me comes from all corners....outside and inside...sometimes it becomes quite difficult to manage all of them...but i still hang on waiting for that particular day when i can do whatever i think i should without having to look around....hehe!!!

farewell to an era........

finally am about to graduate from college......this is supposed to be a big achievement and it sure is.....but y do i feel so depressed....the happiness of graduating has been marred by a sense of sadness.....it feels as though these past 4 yrs have passed in a bliss......though m graduating in a very troubled time but it feels that the thought of leaving this college hurts the most.....
for the past 4 yrs what i have done is to curse the gruesome mess food and the useless gate timing and the different restrictions imposed upon us by the proctor cell and the college administration.....
now it seems that these things will be missed the most......
it is in human nature to not appreciate what we have at hand.....this is the first time that i am realizing it....it sure is a wonderful feeling but it does make me feel sad......
as one by one my friends are leaving this place for the final time i am feeling a strange knot in my stomach.....as if i am afraid to leave this place.....never have i felt like this before, not even when i had to leave my home to come here.......this is really strange......i am at a loss trying to figure out why my emotions are acting like this.......neither can i confront them nor can i confide them to anyone....damn i wish i had a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!
i have come to know many weird and wonderful people in this college........even learn tits and bits of lots of languages....these past 4 yrs really had been an unprecedented experience.......
farewell NIT,JALANDHAR.......i came here as a boy and now am going out as a man........

reflections

this post is after a fairly long time......i would like to think this one a post that reminds us that we only get to live once. so when we stand at the very end of our journey in this world we should not think that we could have led our life differently and that what we have lived is not what we had intended to..............a bit philosophical i know and a bit uncanny for a bloke like me.......but still........
hehe......

when you were to die
you came to realise
you never satisfied
desires nor expectations
never played by the rules
never gave a flying fuck

wish you could change
those ideals so lame
wish you had played a different game
happier and solemn
less would have been the pain
less would u be so drained

like a barren tree you lay
without another chance
to revive what you glance
redeem or restore
reflections of a better life
reflections without others' grief

22 and counting......

this day makes me feel something special about me......its my birthday...... someone once said that there is nothing to feel good about your birthday cause u r taking a step closer to your death.......
I say fuck that.....its a very special in each of ours lives and we should enjoy it the fullest.......
this is the day that we saw the light of day or the darkness of night or the first rain fall.......each of us has a different experience to share.......
i was born in the afternoon and its peak summer in India in april.....
so it was the scorching sun for me......THE LIGHT OF DAY.......
when i was a kid i was very naughty and troublesome......i would get punished always for my misdeeds.....the only exception being on my birthday......i could pull the greatest larceny that a kid can pull and still go free......without even a scolding........
see how good this day has always been for me...........
well now its a different story altogether..... the celebrations have changed and so have the leniency ......lol......
but still who gives a shit......its my day i will enjoy it to the fullest......yeeeeaaaaah!!!!!!

Nothing but you

hollow minds speaking truth
new ideas rotting at root
nothing seems to find the light
all smeared in useless plight
nothing seems to go my way
nothing seems to make me gay
nothing but you
its only you my desire.......

looking out into the world
searching for what i need
not knowing i was so close
those eyes' shelter i was to choose
nothing seems to go my way
nothing seems to make me gay
nothing but you
its only you my love..........

waiting there lookin still
my thoughts going for my kill
thinking sanity will have its way
making us understand someday
shouting out telling all
take some time or all may fall
nothing seems to go my way
nothing seems to make me gay
nothing but you
its only you my home..
its only you my world...........

Ode to life

HELLO...
i want you in here
standing very near....
taking some of the pain
which have made me drain
HELLO....HELLO
i want to say goodbye
may be its why i wanna die
life gave so much pain
maybe now it'll be slain

i cant still be sure
will this put an end for-ever
life will take its course
will i be so strong to force
myself.....HELLO.....
will you take my hand in yours
give me some hope no tears
i now think i dont wanna die
is there a painless way to lie
HELLO....HELLO.....

one of my very first verses......

Crazy

crazy
you r drivin me crazy
nuts
i'm goin nuts


y r u doin this 2 me
your whim i dnt wanna b
y cant you understand
its you who i cant withstand
everything is about u
its jus a trifle what i want
i am done puttin up with u anymore,
cause here am like toy for a whore.
i want you to leave me alone
cuase only solitude can give me solace
i dont wanna be crazy anymore
crazy..........


alone
i wanna b alone
deserted
leave my heart deserted

i want 2 command my life,
m exhausted wid all da intrusions.
let me be
will rather b a stray dog than a caged lion
m done being in everyone's beloved,
these feathers seem dirty.....
go away, leave me alone
i am of no use to you.
no more can you make me crazy
'cuase in this asylum
its you who are crazy.............